Sunday, January 11, 2009

Blackbird

I’ve been revisiting my Beatle’s collection over the past few days after a conversation with a friend about the brilliance of this group. I find their music tends to move and inspire me to write, and hopefully to write well.

One fact I learned about this song that I found interesting is the song was supposedly inspired by a piece by J.S. Bach and that the musical intro is a variation of the song that inspired this piece. Oddly enough, Bach is by far and away one of my favorite classical composers, and I find it funny I never noticed the similarity in “Blackbird” to Bach’s BourrĂ©e in E minor. The mind is a mysterious thing. How unusual that I would be particularly drawn to song, inspired by another favorite artist, and never realize the connection. Of course, I could just be dense.

Paul McCartney has said on different occasions that this is a song that was written about racial inequality in the United States in the 60’s. And yet, as moving and important as that all is I think the part I identify with most is the section of lyrics that follow:

“Take these broken wings’ and learn to fly”

There is much happening in my life and the life of my family these days. Some of which I’m not terribly eager to speak of, particularly here. However, I find that this one line sums up what I am trying to do now with my life. Trying to rediscover who I once was and trying make my way towards who I want to be . . . or something along those lines. Not just personally, but professionally. Revisiting a dream and hoping to make it a reality this time around.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Ah, look what I found

I wrote like a fiend today. Lots of research as well, but then I found myself in need of a break, and found something I didn't even realize I had missed or was looking for, which was a book of poetry I had kept since college. I don't believe I've written in it in more than seven years. It was as if I had found an old friend. I was thrilled. So I'd like to share a small piece of it with all of you and please feel free to offer comments. That's what this blog is for.

Grass

Warm and soft,
Under my feet
Slender blades swim madly
Bathed in the sunlight
Tender and green
Dancing in the lofty breeze of Summer.

Time fades
As do the blades
Frigid and callous
The sweetness turns solid.

Spring calls your name
Yet the summons is not quite the same.
On whistling winds forgiving rays sweep by.
A plush carpet
Or patchwork quilt
Ribbons of dandelions sprinkle the field
Is the grass a tickle on your toes?

Strange dream

I had one of those dreams or nightmares rather, where even when you wake you cannot shake the heaviness off, as if the dream is reality. In my dream I am planning on going out for the evening, where isn't really important I just know in my mind that I am going out without my children and a sitter is coming (this should have been my first clue it was a dream - ha!). There are spasmodic jumps in the dream. I see myself out having fun, at a bar or a club, not sure. There are lights, and music I cannot identify in the dream or now for that matter, and then for some odd reason I'm at the house of my great aunt who passed away a year and a half ago. It's dark and I hear her voice saying "where are the children? who's taking care of them?" It is then that wild panic races through me. I cannot recall meeting the sitter at the door. I cannot remember if anyone is with the boys and I'm crazed to get home to them, but I can't seem to find the door to get out of my aunt's house. Again, another blip in the dream and I'm home. The panic settles when I see the boys sleeping in their beds, but again, no one is with them. In my dream I had abandoned my children for a night out, and I'm overwrought with guilt.

When I wake from the dream it's like pulling cobwebs from my face. Thick and sticky and I can't get the sensation off of me. Even as I write this the guilt hangs in my heart.

I think I'm glad I woke at 6:00 a.m. At least the dream ended.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

In the beginning

I am starting this blog as a way to sort out thoughts, ideas and the general ramblings in my mind as I am working through the writing process of my first book, if it should ever happen to become a living, breathing thing.